I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
