this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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