Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
