Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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