I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize