I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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