please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
