I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i've created a new STD.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
