Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize