that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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