I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
