i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
