4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
