My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
