were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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