You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
