So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
