wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
