just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
