tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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