do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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