one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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