Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
