I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
