i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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