her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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