it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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