i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
