I can tuck mytits in my pants
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I love having hate sex.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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