It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
