dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
