i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
