I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize