We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
