he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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