she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
