I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
