i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
