I met the friendliest cop last night
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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