Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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