ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
