Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
