M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
