i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i think i have two assholes
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize