the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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