He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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