My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
