i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
