well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
