he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
