Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
