I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i already hear my dad disowning me
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
