k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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