I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
