I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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