Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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