I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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