Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
