I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
