I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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