All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
