real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
