he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
