Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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