I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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