please come you make the beer taste better
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
