She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I love having hate sex.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
