theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
