I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
