you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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