i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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