please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
this hospital has no fireball
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
