I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
