grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
