Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
