you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
