I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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