i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Sorry about my life...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
