wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You've changed since you got that strap on
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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