you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
In other news, I just burned my penis
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
