We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
