Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
