These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
